What If I Can?

You may or may not remember that I wrote about my thyroid a while back. I wrote that I was going to try new thyroid medicine. WOW. What a difference!!

I went for a haircut. My stylist said, “You have tons of new hair coming in, it's maybe 6 to 8 weeks old! I mean it's all over, not just around the hairline like I usually see!”!

Well, what do you know, because I was on the new medicine about 8 weeks by the time I got a haircut. Slowly, I noticed I had more energy. However, my weight still wasn't going down. At all. My doctor said the weight loss could take up to 6 months. I was NOT about to wait around for 6 months.

I'd been seeing advertisements for a workout studio. I know a few people who have gone to this place and shed some weight. I decided to stop in and see what it was all about. Guess who signed up for a 6 week challenge? Yep. This gal.

Essentially, the challenge is to lose 20 pounds in 6 weeks, following the food plan and exercise regimen.

As the start date grew closer, that little voice of self-doubt started to creep in.

What if you can't do it?

What if you can't give up carbs?

What if you can't do the exercises?

The louder voice, the OLD me voice said, WHAT IF I CAN??

And so I started on June 5^th. It was hard to drive to the place. It was hard to walk in the door. It was hard to start to move. It was hard to keep moving. It was hard. But not impossible. I was DOING it! I was getting muscle aches and sore joints. I was feeling pain, but it was pain that could be eased with ibuprofen. I can't tell you the last time I had that feeling.

So in these 2 weeks, I've lost 10 pounds so far. More importantly, I FEEL really good. I'm kinda proud that I'm pushing through the exercises, and kinda proud that I haven't strayed from the meal plan. I've gotten stronger, more flexible, and I can't believe the energy. I haven't once been tempted to skip a session. I even bought workout clothes and sneakers. It's been YEARS since I owned sneakers.

I'm still unable to do a push up (even a modified one) and I don't have the coordination for burpees. I'm doing a modified burpee and something else instead of a push up. I'm using a support for balance when I need it. BUT I'M DOING IT.

My doctors would tell me that I would feel better if I exercised, but before I started the different thyroid medicine, I could barely stand long enough to cook. Once I was on the thyroid medicine, I really felt how I used to feel. It's amazing how I've been under a fog for years, but it's finally lifting.

So, how is all this affecting my MS? Well, my legs feel as though they are on FIRE when I go to bed at night. My balance and coordination have not improved one iota. I hurt all over. I feel like a tuning fork inside of my legs and arms. But guess what? I had all of that before I started working out, didn't I?

I'll keep you updated, but I've got 4 weeks to lose 10 more pounds officially. I'm shooting for 20 more pounds in these 4 weeks.

Axonal Destruction: Band Name or Condition?

I remember being really little and taking medicine. Of course, it tasted ungodly horrible, and inevitably I'd complain about the taste. My mom would tell me that the worse the medicine tasted, the better it worked.

Well, as an adult, I can't help but think of that little exchange, but I replace horrible “taste” with horrible “side effects”. You see, I've been on Tecfidera for about 18 months, and it's GREAT for me! I really don't have side effects to speak of from the medicine. The worst thing is that sometimes I get flushing in my face that makes my face feel like it's on fire. It doesn't last long, and off I go to do the things.

I recently had a neurologist's appointment. Part of the appointment was spent discussing the results of my second MRI in 6 months. It's the second one in 6 months to show a new lesion and one enhancing lesion. I never really heard the term “enhancing lesion”, or I don't remember hearing it. An enhancing lesion is one that reacts with the Gadolinium, and it's assumed that enhancing lesions are active lesions. Hmm? What's Gadolinium? It's something you get injected with when the doctor wants a contrast MRI. If you want to know more about it, you can read about it here: https://www.insideradiology.com.au/gadolinium-contrast-medium/

I learned another new phrase when used in the context of MS: Black Hole. Turns out that I have a Black Hole in my cerebellum. I'm pretty sure she used plural, as in Black Holes, but we'll stick with the singular for today. Does anyone else know what a Black Hole is? Or what it means to have a Black Hole in the cerebellum? Anyone? Bueller?

Let's go back to early biology and the basic parts of the brain that control which functions. We have a cerebrum, a cerebellum, and a medulla oblongata (thank you, Mrs. Gardner, my 6^th grade science teacher). Cerebrum: touch, vision, emotions, learning. Medulla oblongata (AKA Brainstem): Automatic functions. Cerebellum: Posture, balance, coordinate muscle movements.

So, what does it mean to have a Black Hole in your brain? “Axonal destruction and irreversible damage”. Incidentally, Axonal Destruction would be a great band name. Anyway, in plain English, it means that the nerves in the area are dead. To paraphrase the coroner from The Wizard of Oz, not only merely dead, but really most sincerely dead.

If you recall my post about tap dancing classes and the reasons why I left, this actually explains a lot! In reality, not clinically, it means that I stumble a lot. I feel like the floor gets tilted while I walk, causing me to do the drunk sidestep. Sometimes my body won't move the way I expect it to, even when I consciously will it to do something.

In my information overload state, I forgot to ask her where my enhancing lesion is. I suppose it doesn't really matter.

Okay, now after all that, you might think that I'm feeling really crummy, but for the most part, I've been feeling really good. Certain tweaks to medicine, new medicine, and more activity have helped. Plus, I'm still not smoking. When I started this post, I intended to write about how my thyroid medicine is helping, but I'll save it for another post. This one is already long enough.

Briefly, I want to tell you about the ultimate outcome of this visit. I get blood work in September, an MRI in November, and a follow-up visit in December. In December, we'll talk about changing my medicine if warranted. My next option is Ocrevus, the twice yearly infusion. That has its own risks, and in addition to the risks, my neurologist wonders what we do after Ocrevus if I need to change medicine. I've tried 5 medicines since my diagnosis in 2004, so it's not a needless concern. We'll see, right?

PS- How badass am I to cause axonal destruction and irreversible damage??