Bombing Out

Once in a while, I'll visit a website called Cake Wrecks. I guess I experience a little bit of schadenfreude because it shows professional bakers' cake fails, and it makes me feel a tad better about my (lack of) cake decorating skills. I try to limit my visits there because like Pinterest, you can spend way too long looking at things if you're not careful.

Speaking of Pinterest...

My daughter asked me some time ago if we could make Bath Bombs. I confess to not knowing what Bath Bombs were when she asked. Once I looked it up, I discovered that they are just the old fizzy bath tablets we had when I was younger but bigger and fancier.

Oh, and a lot more expensive to buy than the old 3 for 99¢ tablets we got at drug stores back in the day. One Bomb at a site called Lush can run $8.95. Heck, for $8.95 I can make like 50 bombs!

Earlier this week, I wasn't feeling that great, so in an attempt to avoid doing anything, I decided to look for DIY Bath Bombs. Well, me, being the fairly crafty person I am, scoured Pinterest.

I have a love/hate relationship with Pinterest.

Pinterest is a wonderful and terrible place where you can get all kinds of information, ideas, and instructions to set yourself up for falling way short of what's actually pictured. Oh, and spend way too much time finding the project that you want to feel like a failure doing. Still, confident in my DIY skills, I found a great recipe for Bath Bombs.

After my daughter got home from school, she and I went out to get the supplies, which required three separate stops at three separate stores. I am proud to say, I was able to make it through all 3 stores! Michael's for the molds and scents, Target for Epsom salts and corn starch, and Wegmans for citric acid. Also from Target, a clear glass container with an air-tight lid for storing our finished masterpieces,

to be proudly displayed on the bathroom vanity.

I dutifully printed out the “recipe” when we got home, assembled the ingredients, and we went to town.

My daughter carefully measured each ingredient, whisked the dry stuff together just as she should have.

Oh, I also have to tell you, several recipes recommended using olive oil, presumably for an emollient, so that's what we used. Then came time to mix the scent and the color, which you add to the oil and a tiny bit of water. The olive oil. The greenish brownish olive oil. Olive-colored olive oil. I'm not a color expert or a chemist, but I'm pretty sure unless you were going for brown chocolate scented or brown coffee scented Bath Bombs, you shouldn't use olive oil for your oil. Unless you actually want brown Bath Bombs. We were trying to achieve purple.

So, once the wet and dry ingredients are mixed in their respective containers, it's time to combine them. Some recipes recommend adding the liquid drops at a time to the dry ingredients while others tell you to just dump it in. We did a combination of both. Once the liquid is added, it's supposed to feel like wet sand, so you can pack your mold. Ours felt very dry, so we added a few drops of water, as recommended. It still felt dry, so we added more water. We added water until you could squeeze it in your hand and the mixture retained its shape.

To quote one of my favorite parts of “Pretty Woman”, big mistake. Big. Huge.

Let me repeat that: big mistake. Big. Huge.

As directed, we packed our mixture in the molds and set it aside for it to dry before we popped them out of the molds.

Um.

Um.

Um.

So here are our Bath Bombs. What do you think? I think we nailed it! 

I'm Okay

I was chatting with a dear friend of mine this morning (well, Facebook chatting, but whatever). We've been friends since before I could drive, and I got my license at 16. It's pretty safe to say that this friend knows me pretty well.

My friend asked me how I was doing, and I replied with my usual, “I'm okay”.

My friend essentially called me out.

My friend knew that “okay” was a cop out answer.

I know it's okay not to be okay. It's even okay to tell people that you're not okay. I know these things. Believe me, I know these things verrrrrry well.

My friend and I talked about how venting helps sometimes, and I agree with that, but usually not when it comes to my MS. I'll vent about lousy customer service, an item being out of stock, or inane things that really don't matter, but I don't just kvetch about having MS, or feeling the way I feel.

My friend is always available for me to kvetch and whine and vent to, but I said that I find it senseless to complain about something that has no end and no solution. Kvetching about a problem that may have a solution (to me) is very different than kvetching about something that you truly have no control over. To me, that's complaining just to complain. Would I feel better after complaining? Possibly, but I doubt it. I feel like it would be like wallowing in the depths of MS, and that would be awful for me.

My MS is different from day to day, and sometimes within the same day. I may start the day feeling great, and then I might crumble bit by bit. I might start the day feeling foggy and lethargic, but something wakes up inside and I feel terrific for a while. I might feel great throughout the whole day, I might feel like a slug throughout the whole day, or each day might be a combination of ups and downs.

It's always different. That's my normal.

But mostly, saying “I'm okay” is just easier than describing each symptom. Sometimes I just don't feel like getting into it. Sometimes I want to be okay. Some days, I want to be old me. Okay, well, every day I want to be old me, but some days I can fake it pretty well.

But every day I'm grateful for the people in my life who can detect when okay isn't okay, even through texting.

Improving in Many Ways

I finished my table yesterday, and I have to say, I'm pretty pleased with the way it looks.

 It took me longer than I expected because my energy levels are still really really low. I am starting to bounce back slowly, incrementally, but I'll take every bit of feeling better that I'm given. My headache seems to have gone away; now it's just sinus pressure, which is fine because I can take something and get some relief. The tuning fork feeling has lessened, and my vision is improving.

The inside of my house (well, except the kitchen and the computer room/office) looks amazing. I don't say that with the intention of being a braggart, I'm just awed that my house turned out so nice, and essentially, it was due to paint.

Now with the warmer weather, my “itch” has turned to outside and my yard.

We have a fairly large yard, at least by city standards, and I enjoy being out there when I can be. For years, I have wanted a fire pit, but I didn't want my house (or the neighbors' houses) to smell smokey. I love the smell of campfires, I just didn't want it in my house. Secondary reason, my mom had asthma, and I didn't want the smoke residue to aggravate her asthma. So, I never got a fire pit.

One day last year or the year before, we were watching a home improvement show, where they did a patio/deck remodel. One of the features of this deck was a stand alone fireplace that was filled with blue glass. It was beautiful. I started digging for information, and I discovered that it was a propane fireplace. Genius! Heat and beauty without the smell of camping!!

I started looking for the propane fireplace I saw on that show. I found something really similar for only $3100!

 I looked for DIY versions of that fireplace, but what I found was above my skill set (if I liked the way it looked) and still above my pay grade. I started doing different searches and thought that I wanted one that hid the tank inside. I kept looking, and finally found one that I liked. Then I accidentally found another one, but it wasn't tall enough for the tank. It did come with a long enough hose so that you can hide the tank,

though. I liked them both, but one I liked a little more than the other. I let my husband decide. This is the one I ordered,

 and it should be here next week.

I think I mentioned in a previous post that our house came with a pool. If I didn't, that's fodder for another day. Anyway, we built a good sized pool deck a few years back when we a) outgrew the small deck that came with the pool and b) the wood started splintering. Our yard has wooden fences around 3 sides, but the front fence is a chain link fence, which means you can see right into our yard from the street. I've always felt uncomfortable with that, but because of the wind and the fact that there's nothing wrong with the fence, we haven't done anything about replacing it.

The other night while looking for fireplaces, I happened upon this stuff.

It was inexpensive enough (a tiny fraction of the cost and effort of building a new fence) that I thought I'd try it. Sometime later in the season I'll let you know how it's working. I hope it looks half-decent when we hang it.

This year, my husband's birthday falls on Mother's Day as it does from time to time. Knowing I bought _______ for my husband's birthday gift (he sometimes reads my blog), I knew he'd feel uncomfortable getting me what I usually ask for for Mother's Day (nothing, plants for outdoors, a card...I'm not big into Mother's Day). Also knowing this particular Mother's Day promises to be rough for me, I actually asked for a gift. I saw these benches on Pinterest (it's a wonderful and terrible place) that I wanted to make.

 I asked my husband if he and the kids would make them for me for Mother's Day. I asked for two of them to go with the fireplace/firetable/firepit I ordered. Now I'm searching for cushions and having the “should I make cushions or should I buy cushions” debate with myself.

It seems like all of a sudden I have the home improvement itch after languishing for years about doing much around here. I could list a bunch of reasons why I think I've been bitten by the DIY/Home Improvement bug recently, but really, I'm not sure it matters. I just know that I'm happy with the way it's turning out. 

In Pursuit of Maine by Melanie Lee

I am very fortunate to know some wonderful people who do amazing things. Today's post is a little braggy because I'm really proud of one person in particular.

I'm full of pride for one friend who writes. She was one of the forces behind the scenes when my blog was just a thought, an idea, and a maybe; giving me words of encouragement, tips, advice, and just generally being a good friend. I alluded to her in previous posts, but never specifically shared her blog or Facebook page. That changes today.

She's one heck of an amazing and versatile writer. She can write about anything and everything, and she makes you want to read every word, no matter the subject. She writes about nature, mythical woodland creatures, new twists on old legends, mythology, and much more. Her pieces are written with such tone and liveliness that you want to find her magical world and immerse yourself (even I want to do this, and I am NOT the outdoorsy type). I want to amble down the paths she writes about, explore her islands, and find the landmarks that she shares.

She writes poetry that really is, well, poetry. Even her prose is poetry.

I chose today to write about her because yesterday she shared the most wonderful news; she published her first eBook! It's called The Tales of Persephone: A Retelling of the Ancient Eleusinian Mysteries by Melanie Lee, and it's available on lulu.com. She is currently corresponding with Amazon, Barnes and Noble, iBooks and kobo, but for now, you can download it on lulu.com. It's in ePub format, so you can read it on any eReader that supports ePub!

Do yourself a favor, indulge yourself a wee bit and get this book. I did.

Congratulations, my friend!

To be perfectly transparent, she did not ask me to write this. In fact, she doesn't know I'm writing this, so I'm pretty sure she will be surprised (and hopefully not upset) when I post it.

Here is her Facebook page:
In Pursuit of Maine

Here is her blog:

In Pursuit of Maine

Let's Table That

Well, color me happy and relieved! I think my flare is starting to ease up! I noticed today that it's not as difficult to focus. My vision still isn't perfect, but it's better than it has been. I still feel super tingly/vibrational (Is that a word? Well, if it wasn't before, it is now), but my headache is easing up. I don't have the pain and cramping in my hands and thumbs either!

I noticed after I published my last entry, that it was number 200! I have a thing for “monumental” numbers.

When I started writing last year, I wasn't sure how long I'd be writing, or who of you would still be with me after this long. While I may have slowed down on the posts, I still feel like I have something to say. So as long as I still feel like I have something to say, I'll keep sharing my thoughts with all of you. Or y'all, for my southern friends.

I bought a table from Craigslist yesterday. In its present state, it's nothing great. Well, in its present state, it's nothing at all. I took it apart. Anyway, I've had the itch to create something. Back when we were redoing the dining room et al, I saw this table on Craigslist. I really liked the shape of it even though it was in really rough shape. I kept watching it, and the other day, I decided to email the seller to make sure it was still available. He still had it!

Since I've been watching it for about a month, and it was still available, I took that as a nudge to buy it. Plus the price was right. So this nice man named Norm met me at a shop on Cleveland Drive (which is filled with interesting things from furniture to cordial glasses to lamps) and I got the table. The pictures on Craigslist looked rough, but in person, it's a whole lot rougher. That's okay, because I have plans for it.

It's just a little accent table, but it will look great in the corner of my dining room when it's finished.

I'll show you real before and after pictures when I'm done transforming it. For now, here are the pieces. 

Hope you have a splendid day, and if you want Norm's number, email me. I'd be happy to share it!

Finally, A Post!

I know I've been woefully neglectful of my blog, and by extension, you all, and I do apologize. This flare has been making me (and in a different way, my family) miserable. The glare from the computer screen coupled with the wonky vision I'm having makes it extremely difficult to see what I'm writing. The constant headache, the pain in my wrists, forearms, and thumbs make it difficult to write at all. I still have the whole tuning fork action going on. Finally, the inability to do more than one thing at a time makes it challenging, to say the least. I can't even drink coffee while I'm writing because I forget it's there. Or, I'll take a sip of coffee, my brain goes into sleep mode, and the thought is gone. Vanished. Like I just now remembered something I was supposed to do on Friday.

My husband and I were talking yesterday about this flare, about what it's doing to me, and how it's affecting my thought process...it ain't pretty, this one. My husband has seen them all, and we both agree that this is the worst I've had. If I'm doing one thing, and someone interrupts me for basically any reason, I get very short-tempered. I absolutely have lost (hopefully temporarily) my multi-tasking skills. That sets off a whole avalanche of feelings, thoughts, and actions. Here's one scenario:

Me: Working on my blog or something that requires concentration

Someone: Has a question, needs something

Me: Fireworks!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Guilt over losing my temper, sadness at how little I can do at the moment, hating MS, looking for my coffee cup, frustration, anger at myself, anger at MS, getting another cup of coffee, ending up with 3 cups of varying degrees of warmth and fullness on my desk, taking ibuprofen for the pain even though it doesn't help, scrapping the blog entry, sometimes ending in tears. Then at some point taking the cups to the kitchen.

It takes me twice as long (or more) to write because of the vision issues alone. What I'm experiencing right now with this flare is a combination of blurred vision, double vision, and random chunks missing from my field of vision.

One positive, though, is that my sleep issues have resolved themselves for the time being. One night I took a Benadryl, and that seemed to help me get over the hurdle. On the other hand, I have been taking naps. I never liked taking naps, and I still don't. My mom always said it was such a waste of time, and I tend to agree with her. Sometimes, though, when you cannot possibly take one more step, or you don't have the energy to open your eyes after you blink, you need to surrender to the nap. Then try to push aside the guilt after you wake up. What? You don't feel guilty after napping? Email me to let me know your secret!

Oh yeah, I started to tell you that my husband and I were talking about this flare, and another thing we touched on was that he wishes that I'd conserve more of my energy. I tried to explain the best I could that when I feel good enough to do something, I have to do it then and there, because who knows when I'll feel like doing it again. It's not like I can put my unused energy in an account and draw from it when I need it, though that would be extremely helpful, don't you think?

I understand what he means, though. He knows I'm struggling, and I know I'm struggling, so maybe I should just chill until this flare runs its course. But what if this flare is just a worsening of symptoms? What if I don't get back to where I was? I still need to do some things. So I push on, I don't give up, but I do stop when I really have to. I promise.

I'm just sooooooooooooo tired...

A Certain Flare, Not Flair, Not Fair

My legs and arms have felt like tuning forks lately. It's worse when I lay down, but it's a constant feeling of vibrating/tingling/hurting. I think that's what has been preventing me from sleeping; sometimes I feel like I'm going to vibrate right out of bed, like in the old cartoons.

My eyes have been wonky lately. I'll look, and I'll see, but I'll only see a portion of what's in front of me.

Pain. I've had more pain than I usually deal with on a daily basis.

In short, I'm having an exacerbation.

I've had the great debate with myself for days whether to mention this development, lest I seem like I'm whining. I ultimately decided to write about it because a) I think you know me well enough to know that I'm not usually a whiner and b) when I started this blog, I said I was going to write about the good and bad.

As you all know, I started the Tecfidera right around the New Year. I thought I had read all about it, but I found a new patient forum where people reported an increase of exacerbations after starting Tecfidera. MS is a cunning thing; am I having a flare up from the Tecfidera, or would my flare up be worse if I wasn't taking the Tecfidera? Those are questions that can't be answered with any certainty.

I know my MS, usually, and after a particularly stressful time, I expect to have a flare. That's just how mine works. As you know, my mother passed away a couple of weeks before Christmas, so is this my stress flare? If so, it's unusually delayed. The stress flares I experienced have always been almost immediately after the stress stopped. It's as though the excess adrenaline my body produces keeps the disease in check somewhat.

So, there you have it, and now you know why I haven't really posted. I had a story clogging the pipeline, and nothing else could get through.