This particular episode focused on family dynamics, though it really applies to many relationships. The gist was simple: if you love someone, accept them for who they are, because you aren’t going to change them. And yes, I know you already know that. I knew it too. But this had a slightly different spin. It revolved around her book (yes, I know — but it wasn’t just a shameless plug), The Let Them Theory. Judging by the dates on some of the Google posts about it, I’m late to the party. But if you’re just now hearing about it too, here are the key takeaways she highlights.
Key Concepts
• Stop trying to control
You cannot control other people, and trying to do so is exhausting and pointless.
• Embrace “Let Them”
Let others make their own choices and live with the consequences. It frees you from stress you don’t need to carry.
• Focus on yourself
Shift your energy from managing others to managing your own thoughts, actions, feelings, goals, and happiness.
• Reclaim your power
Letting go of control puts the power to create the life you want back in your own hands.
How It Helps
• Builds confidence
You become more confident in your own choices, even when they make others uncomfortable.
• Reduces stress
You stop trying to manage everyone and everything around you.
• Drives action
You take risks and pursue your goals without being held back by fear of others’ opinions.
I don’t know if her theory does all of that, but the part that made the biggest impression on me was this:
“You will never be able to control what is happening around you. You will also never be able to control your emotional responses, because they are automatic… But you can always choose what you think, say, or do in response to other people, the world around you, or the emotions that are rising up inside of you. That’s the source of all your power.”
— Mel Robbins, The Let Them Theory
I already subscribed to the “Who cares?” attitude. That person doesn’t like me? Who cares. You don’t like what I’m wearing? Who cares. But what caught my attention was this:
“Acceptance of another person, as they are, is the foundation of a healthy and loving relationship… The opposite happens when you pressure, change, criticize, push, or expect someone to behave differently than they are. This pressure puts you and your loved one in a battle for control.”
— Mel Robbins,
The Let Them Theory
While I was listening, I started doing some self-examination. Since then, I’ve been practicing letting my emotions settle for a literal minute before I comment on something that makes me sad, hurt, or mad. I’m not 100% there — and probably never will be — but I’m aware of it and trying to be more mindful in my reactions.
This was a big one for me: someone sees things differently than you? Let them. There’s a phrase often attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt: “What other people think of me is none of my business.” I’ve always believed that, and Mel takes it a few steps further.
In this episode, Mel covers topics like:
• Feeling left out? Good. You need better friends.
• Why being the family peacekeeper creates a war inside you.
• How to stop being the “fixer” in your relationships.
• How rescuing people robs them of the problems they need to face.
• How to tell a friend you’re sick of hearing about their relationship drama.
• Why you shouldn’t be the “therapist” for your friend group.
• Why it’s normal for friends to drop you when you start drawing boundaries.
• The art of putting yourself first: “Let me be happy for a change.”
Watch the episode on YouTube: https://bit.ly/45OWCNr
If any of this piques your interest, here’s a link to the podcast episode:
I’m always looking inward for ways to be a better me. I think that’s why this episode resonated with me — well, that and the fact that her voice and delivery are soothing, entertaining, and comfortable. It seems like the Oracle of Google nailed this one. If you give the podcast a listen, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Message me or drop a comment.
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