I had another post written for today, but as I started to read it through to edit it, I didn't like it, and I couldn't imagine you sitting there reading it. To say it wasn't one of my best would be too kind. So, I'm starting over.
When I'm writing something, inevitably I think of a part from Stephen King's On Writing : A Memoir of the Craft where he talks about letting his wife, Tabitha, read the first draft of a novel. She finished reading it and asked about a section of the book. Stephen King explains that he needed a backstory for the character to explain something and Tabitha King replies, “But did you have to bore me with it?”
That's always in the back of my mind, and I think it's worked so far. Of course, if you and I have opposite tastes in reading, you may think I've not done such a good job weeding out the boring bits, but, well, I'm learning as I go. And you're still here, so it must not be too bad.
I follow some pages on Facebook about MS. One in particular is: https://www.facebook.com/PositiveLivingWithMs?fref=ts
The other day I read one of her posts, and it really hit home. Here's the link: http://positivelivingwithms.com/2015/08/27/hope-doesnt-just-happen-its-made/
It really describes me, and how I choose to look at things. It's not that I'm unaware of unpleasantness, but it's that I choose to focus on the positive. Most of the time, anyway. I mean, once in a while I get overwhelmed thinking about everything that could happen as my disease progresses. But, it might not happen, so why worry? I know the bad maybes, but I choose not to focus on them. I'd rather focus on what I can still do, and hope for the things that I might be able to do, as opposed to what I might not be able to do.
Funny thing is, like so many posts that talk about MS, there is a crossover or tie-in that almost everyone can identify with. We're all fighting a battle. Some are in a war, some are in a skirmish, but everyone has something that they're up against. And we all handle things differently. What is a minor setback for me might take someone days to recover from, and vice-versa.
It's okay for you to feel how you feel, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Even people who have the same disease as you aren't feeling exactly what you're feeling, though they understand what you're feeling. We all have those days where we just wanna cry, where we wanna stop fighting. I'm lucky to have something inside that tells me to knock it off after a little while. It's probably driven by the 3 somethings I live with on the outside who need me, but whatever it takes for me to “snap out of it” is fine with me.
I actually find it more exhausting to be negative about stuff than to be my cheery self. For me, it's hard work not to be happy. I guess because I'm so used to looking on the bright side, it's very natural to me, like being sarcastic, or laughing at inappropriate times.
I'm still laughing at myself about having a panic attack over buying an airline ticket.
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