Things I Ponder Over Coffee

By now you know that my blog hit a milestone last night...my posts have been read over 1000 times. It wasn't even me going back and obsessing over the usage of a word. If Blogger counted my visits, the count would probably be at 10K.

I'm about ten days in on the new medicine; the injection I said I'd never accept. I have to admit, I'm feeling pretty darn good. A nurse who works for the pharmacy told me that Copaxone isn't meant to alleviate existing symptoms, it's only supposed to help prevent future exacerbations. Being me, I had to do some digging, and I discovered that some patients do experience an energy boost while on the drug. Indulge me for a second, so I can explain this little paragraph.

About 4 days after starting the medicine, I woke up one day, and the world seemed sharper. The best way I can describe it is that you have a television. There's really nothing wrong with it, but it's an older model, and you think to yourself, well, before it goes and I have to buy a new TV, maybe I should get one while they're on sale/I can shop around/take my time. You buy the new television, set it up, and POW, the picture is crisper, colors are more vivid, and you see what you've been missing! THAT'S how I feel on Copaxone. I'm me. I seem so have gotten back some of my muchness.

I'll never be the me I was when I could work 6 days a week, or shop for an entire day, or do multiple exerting things, but I can grocery shop AND cook dinner on the same day! I can do laundry and hang curtains IN THE SAME DAY! I still rest in between activities, things that require standing are more taxing and require more rest periods, but they get done in one day! My eyes don't look quite as droopy. My voice sounds stronger. I feel more like a living person, and less like a lump who breathes.

So, one day I was talking with my dear friend, and I was telling him all of the ways I'm feeling better, and I wondered to him if it wasn't psychological. As in, “I'm giving myself these stupid shots, so this medicine had better make a difference to make giving myself these stupid shots worthwhile.” I mean, if it is psychological, what a powerful brain I must have. But then, he brought up a valid point. If I really was willing myself to feel better, wouldn't the opposite also be true? Hmmm. So now, we wait. His theory is that if it's in my head, my body won't be able to sustain what I'm feeling like I can do for very long, and we should know in a few weeks if it's all in my head, or the medicine.

The photo today is somewhat relevant to the post :)

Whether it's the medicine, my brain, a fluke, whatever, I'm extremely grateful to feel like this. Maybe I'll feel well enough to go to Canalside, or lose these extra pounds all this inactivity has caused me to accumulate. For now, I'm just going to finish my coffee and think of the possibilities. Things actually seem possible again.