You Adapt to How You Feel

I keep telling myself not to wade in too deep, lest I become totally immersed in MS. Then I tell myself to get real. I can't really get any more immersed, I mean, I have MS, I live it every day. Then I tell myself that's not what I meant. Yes, I have entire conversations with myself. You see, it's a slippery slope, talking about MS. I make light of mine, because that's how I choose to deal with it. Other people have MS much, much worse than I do, so I would imagine it's more difficult to live with. I'm not trying to undermine the seriousness of the disease, but for me, laughter is an essential vitamin, like chocolate and coffee.

Talking about MS can be draining. It forces you to examine every single part of your life. Every new symptom you feel makes you wonder if it's something else, or “just your MS”. That, too can be detrimental. Blaming everything on MS sometimes stops you from seeking medical attention, because you figure it's just something else you have to live with. There is no cure. MS is incurable. Those are phrases I really hate, no matter how true they are.

As the disease progresses, you adapt to how you feel. Remembering the you that you used to be is painful. Your normal changes all the time. Some days, normal is hoping you have enough energy to pack your kids' lunches. Some days, normal is laundry, grocery shopping, and going out for ice cream. You never know what the day holds, or what your body will dictate until you are in the throes of the day. Plans? Well, I can make them, but I may not always be able to fulfill my obligations. So I stop making plans. Thankfully, I have some great friends who don't give up on me, no matter how many times I have to cancel at the last minute.

MS is what I have, NOT who I am, but talking about it so much sometimes makes it feel the other way around. So , I hope you'll pardon me if I stray off of the subject sometimes, because there is so much more to me than MS.

I let my mind wander, and it went astray...