You Used to Be Much More Muchier

Yes, I have MS. To paraphrase one of my favorite movie lines, I used to be much more muchier. I could do crazy things like spend an entire day walking around at the fair or the mall. I could work a 16 or 18-hour day. I could dust and vacuum my whole house in a short time, in between loads of laundry. I could grocery shop, bring in the groceries, put them all away, make dinner, and still have energy to go somewhere after dinner.

Back when I was muchier. 

Now, if I walk my son to school, just a few blocks away, I need hours to recover. Going to the mall fills me with terror. Okay, terror is a really strong word. The only time I really go to the mall is when my daughter wants to go, like last week.

It was her bestie's birthday, and we ordered something online, but she wanted a “keepsake” gift to commemorate this special age. I was full of anxiety as I parked, because I wasn't positive the store we wanted was by that door, and the thought of walking the entire mall, and then back again made me want to vomit. Or nap. I got really lucky; the store was right there, so it was a quick in and out. Some years ago, it wouldn't have been an issue. These days, I subconsciously count steps and figure distance. I have to factor in the return-from walk, not just the walk-to walk.

So, yes, I have MS, but each day I remind myself that today, I can still walk. Today, I am tingly, but I still have use of my limbs. Today, I have MS, and tomorrow I will have MS. But so far there is not a day that MS has me.