When It's Like Shooting Yourself in the Foot

It's been a little over 3 months since I started the Copaxone. At first, I felt great! My vision seemed sharper, I had tons more energy, and except for the injection site business, I really didn't have any side effects. I thought, “Wow, I found my stuff!” That didn't last very long.

Here we are today. I actually got out the prescribing information and read about it last night. Out of 53 possible listed side effects, I have 27. Twenty-seven.

Of course, some of them are injection site related, like the pain, itching, swelling and hypersensitivity. But some of them, some of them...do you remember me telling you about taking antibiotics recently? All of my symptoms related to feeling sick with sinusitis and pneumonia can be attributed to the Copaxone. Constant runny nose? Copaxone. Cough? Copaxone. I mentioned the back pain already. Anxiety, speech problems, chills, vision problems...all of them can be from the Copaxone. I have my furnace on, I'm wearing jeans and a turtleneck sweater, and I'm freezing.

I am not sure what this means for the study, but I'm pretty sure that experiencing half of the listed side effects isn't “normal”. I left a message for Clara*, and I hope she'll call me back today. I think I need to be seen my neurologist.

I cringe at the thought of starting the process of finding a new medicine all over again, but this is ridiculous. Feeling how I feel from the MS, and then layering all this other stuff of top of it? Fatigue, tingling, pain, optic neuritis, spasticity, the corset feeling, brain fog, headache, feeling things that aren't there, and weakness from the MS itself, coupled with feeling like I'm sick from the flu, along with itching, burning, chills, coughing, and back pain? I'm kind of over this.

Granted, Advil does take away the back pain, but taking ibuprofen for an extended period of time isn't good for anyone, either. That would present a whole other host of problems.

If I sound aggravated, it's because I am. It's not enough that a person has a disease (and this could be any disease, not just MS), but the medicine that is supposed to help you makes you feel worse. It would be different if there was a gradual trade-off, like runny nose stays, but the fatigue is gone. Or brain fog is gone, but the itching stays. But noooooo, you get them all. The medicine isn't meant to be a cure, or even treat the symptoms I already have; it's meant to slow the disease progression and help prevent future relapses. I'm having a hard time seeing the benefit of continuing to shoot myself every day.

To those of you on Copaxone who experience all these side effects and keep taking it anyway, Godspeed. There's got to be something better for me out there.

*Still not her real name