The other day I was reading a post from a page I follow called Positive Living with MS. If it seems like I mention her page a lot, it's because I do. I love her positivity and frankness. Anyway, her post that specific day was that she hopes to inspire people. It made me wonder if that was why I was writing my little blog.
I don't think it is. I think my reasons are much less altruistic and much more selfish. I'm writing more for me, not as much for you. What I mean is, I'm writing because I feel like I have something to say. Possibly, there are a few people in the world who might find what I have to say interesting, or at the very least the words might resonate with them on some level.
But then something happened. I joined a website called myMSteam. I really didn't know what to say to introduce myself, so I popped off a little blurb:
I walk the line (usually stumbling) between being Pollyanna on the outside, and feeling like death on the inside.
Most of the time, Pollyanna wins, and I believe I'm her.
The horrible days, the weighted days, I still have to be Pollyanna. The days where it is physically draining to stand, where walking to the bathroom seems like I ran a marathon, those are the days I hate. And they are coming more frequently as my disease progresses.
And yet, those are the days I feel like a warrior, too, because I did it. I lived through it. I walked. I cooked. I laughed. I lived.
And yet, those are the days I feel like a warrior, too, because I did it. I lived through it. I walked. I cooked. I laughed. I lived.
As of this writing, two people have thanked me for writing that, one person said I inspired her to keep plugging away, one person said I made it seem like it's all possible, and one person admired me for being tough. Maybe there is something to wanting to inspire people after all. I have to admit, it kinda fluffed my ego a bit. Don't misunderstand, I don't see me turning into a motivational speaker or anything, given my fluency in sarcasm, and I don't see me changing how I write, especially because I really don't know any other way.
Perhaps that doesn't seem like much to you, and I suppose in the grand scheme of things it's not. Reaching other people with MS and having my words resonate with them, it's a feeling that is hard to explain. It's not that I don't love hearing from you, and hearing what you have to say; that's not the case at all. These comments make me feel like I sprinkled hope.
I believe hope is something everyone should have, even on the less-than-stellar days. Feeling hopeless, at least to me, is worse than feeling sick.
Anyway, I just felt like I wanted (needed?) to share that with all of you. I hope your coffee is strong today, and you are too.
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