The Writing Is on the Wall

There is something uniquely satisfying about sitting down with a pen and actual paper when you start to write. The blank paper waiting for your specific combination of words, daring you to fill it up is both daunting and exhilarating. To a much lesser extent, the virtual page does that, but there's honestly no feeling like holding a pen and writing your thoughts. I miss those days sometimes.

I used to have really nice handwriting. Well, I liked the way it looked, anyway. It was a combination of cursive and printing, but totally legible at all times. I wasn't the girly girl who dotted her i's with hearts, but I did deliberately morph my handwriting over time, trying new styles.

Then I pick up a pen, start writing on real paper and realize that my writing is really terrible. Like this morning. My daughter was absent from school yesterday, so I had to write an excuse note this morning.

Part of my problem is seeing clearly enough to write. My hand and the pen cast shadows, making it difficult to see what I'm writing sometimes. Depending on the light, I also get a glare from the paper. Writing an excuse notes after the kids are absent takes a while, if I want the teacher to be able to read what it says.

Then, there are the multi-page forms. I dread spring, because my kids are involved in an amazing program through Cradle Beach called Project S.O.A.R. I don't dread my kids being in the program, but each spring, they get a form to fill out for summer camp. Each form is the size of a pamphlet, and I need to fill out 2 of them, one for each camper. By the time I get to the end of the second form, I want to call Cradle Beach and apologize for my writing.

I'm not sure exactly when my writing got so bad. I'm also unsure whether it's because of MS or if it's a use-it-or-lose-it kind of thing. I just don't write with a pen nearly as much as I used to. I write fewer checks, fewer addresses, and no real correspondence. But, as I said, my writing does worsen fairly rapidly. These multi-page forms look fabulous when I start, but by the end, my writing looks like scribbling.

I'm leaning toward it being from the MS because, believe it or not, I get fatigued doing these forms. Yes, I know, it's just writing, and your wrist barely moves, but something doesn't have to be physically demanding to be fatiguing. Being taxed mentally can cause your body to shut down as well.

I never really thought about this before today, and now I feel as though I should be going through older things to check the progression of my writing. I probably won't, but I feel like I want to. It's just another way that MS worms its way into your everyday life, and sometimes it's so subtle that you don't even notice.