The Struggle Is Real

I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been struggling to post every day, even when I want to. It's not writer's block; I can always think of something to say. Most times I can even stretch saying nothing into a page or two. The problem I'm having lately is that I have a billion and four things to say and no discipline/capacity to organize the thoughts into blog entries.

I don't want to end up writing bulleted lists; there's always a list floating around. “10 Things Not to Say to Someone with a Chronic Illness” or “5 Things to Say to Your Friend with MS” or some other list of “rules” you're supposed to abide by. Heaven forbid you hurt my feelings by showing you care. I also don't want to rehash previous posts, but if your friend doesn't understand that your heart is in the right place, maybe she isn't your friend.

Anyway, organizing the swirling thoughts into a cogent post has been proving difficult at best. So, I decided to just write and see where the post goes. I'm sure that there's something worth saying floating around, I just need to coax it out. Hopefully.

Of course, the two things weighing on my mind are losing my mom, and taking the Tecfidera. It seems every time I sit down to write, those are the only two things in my head that pop out as subjects. Yet, I don't want to write about those two subject all the time. Let's face it; I could write about my mom every day, and never run out of things to say.

As far as the Tecfidera, every time I take a dose, I wait for the horrible side effects to hit me. I am so fortunate and thankful that I haven't experienced any of them.

So I've been coming back to this post all day, and it doesn't seem to be sorting itself out. That tells me I have something else deep down; another story that wants to be told. Darned if I can let it bubble up to the surface, though. I mean, there are a couple of other things swishing about my scarred gray matter, but I'm certainly not ready to tell those stories.

Since I live in Buffalo, I'll do the obligatory weather mention. We're expecting a decent amount of snow tonight. Living here, though, we get Lake Effect snow. If you've never had the pleasure of driving in lake effect snow, let me say that when it's dark, it's like driving into white lasers. It would be really cool, if you weren't in fact, driving into it. You can have your defroster as high as the temperature will go, the fan on the highest setting, and your wipers will still ice up. Good times.

Since this post isn't coming together the way my posts normally do, I think I'm just going to let it ruminate a bit longer and see if I can get it to click. Otherwise, this is it, kids.