Today marks one month that my mom left our earthly realm. I know she had a life well-lived, well-loved, and full of longevity, but that really doesn't make it easier to accept. I grieve for my loss, my family's loss, and my kids' loss. My kids were extraordinarily close to my mom. One day, they will remember oodles of happy memories, but I'm sure right now all they have is a void, much like the rest of us.
Today is my third day on the full dose of Tecfidera. I completed a week at the starter dose, and “graduated” to the full dose the other day. I was slightly nervous/anxious/apprehensive to start Tecfidera after reading about all the possible side effects, but not nervous/anxious/apprehensive enough not to try it. So far, so good.
Today, my son is home sick; I think he might have strep. He woke up with a headache, now he has a sore throat, congestion, and just looks sick.
Today, my husband is sick in bed. He feels clammy and feverish. I sent him to bed to limit my exposure to germs.
Back to the Tecfidera. I go back to the Tecfidera because part of what makes it effective is that it modifies your (overactive) immune system. That puts me in quite the predicament. Do I continue to be my usual mom/wife self, take care of them and risk catching what they have, or do I ignore their needs? I think you know the answer, but I am slightly nervous about it. One of the warnings reads: Tecfidera may lower the ability of your body to fight infection. Avoid contact with people who have colds or infections. Tell your doctor if you notice signs of infection like fever, sore throat, rash, or chills.
Being sick with MS (or any autoimmune disease, really) is a whole new dimension of sick. I know it sounds like I'm saying. “I'm sicker than you”, but not having an additional sickness while having MS is difficult on its own. It's been years since I was on this kind of medicine, and my kids weren't school-age yet, meaning that they weren't bringing home every sickness known to man.
I guess time will tell whether I get sick, right?
For me, today illustrates that we don't know what the future holds, and we don't always know how the choices we make will affect our future. For me, the moral of today would be to make the choice that, when I look back years from now, I will be happy I made that choice, and my present self is comfortable with.
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